Where’s your baby?

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As a brand spanking new mom you are already pretty hard on yourself.  So why is it that even friends insist on saying things that make you stop and think about if your being a “good” mom.  Since the day your bundle of joy is born, your there, with your baby 24 hours a day.  In the middle of the night, 2, 3, 4am your with your baby.  Your friends with no kids are really clueless about these times your taking care of your baby.  They just think that if so many people do it it must be a breeze. But they are clueless.  So when you decide to take a little “mommy time” and friends start asking, “where’s your baby”, I’m starting to realize why my reaction to this is somewhat annoyed. Where’s my baby? I don’t know, I must have left her in the supermarket.  Oh gee your right, Where is my baby? All these wise-ass remarks start flooding my brain.  I think in the 8 months since I gave birth to my daughter I didn’t bring her with me twice to gathering with friends.  Once was my official first time out of the house and baby girl stayed home with grandpa while my husband was working, and the second time was to go to a birthday bbq where there was going to be lots of people drinking and god forbid, I wanted to have a drink.  So she stayed home with daddy.  My husband works alot and sometimes may not want to come to one of MY friends houses, and that is fine with me.  I don’t make a big stink when he would rather relax at home, especially if he really just wants to relax at home with his baby girl.  So now that I didn’t bring my new born baby with me twice, people start passing judgement and I get the “when am I going to see the baby”, “I never see you with the baby”, “wheres the baby” oh and I love this one when I do have her with me is “oh finally there’s a baby here, I haven’t seen you with the baby in forever!” What the heck are you taking about, I’m with my baby all the time, Its you that don’t take the time to come see her.  On top of that I don’t always want judgmental, nosy people coming to my house. And excuse me! I didn’t realize it was my responsibility as a new mom to make sure all of my friends see my daughter on a regular consistent basis.  Well guess what? Its not my responsibility and its not any new moms responsibility to make sure their friends see your baby.  If they are good enough friends they will always be there, your baby will be comfortable with them and they will be comfortable with your baby.  The ones that are too busy or self consumed, and this is OK mind you, because childless people are allowed to be selfish, won’t know your baby like your besties do.  The relationship that forms between your baby and your best friends is very unique and becomes very natural.  The friends that miss out on this opportunity to bond with your baby, its their loss.  You work hard to be the best mom you can be so you can’t let the words of “friends” that aren’t there and don’t know your new normal eat away at you.  They will learn one day when they have their first baby how life really is as a new parent.  Until then, they will continue to say offensive things that they don’t even realize are offensive. 

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